Disappointed and Scared

I interviewed at a law firm the last week of October, and absolutely loved it. It was a perfect fit. It was the kind of law I wanted to practice, and it seemed like an environment I could have thrived in. I have not felt that way since at any of my other interviews. However, I received the usual rejection letter today, stating that although my credentials were very impressive, they decided to hire someone better. I was not good or impressive enough.

In a way, however, I already knew this was coming. After all, I sent a follow-up email awhile back, and never heard a word. Nevertheless, I am disappointed. I do not know why, but I really thought I had a chance. Oh well. I honestly am trying to stay positive, but lately, it is getting harder and harder to look on the brighter side. I am feeling more and more scared everyday.

My fear is that I will end up taking on a job that I absolutely hate just so I can get by. Or staying unemployed for a very long time because no one wants to hire me. I am now two months away from moving back in with my parents, bringing with me my two cats and boyfriend. It is a scary thought to lose your independence. I went to law school to try to make a better life for myself. This is not what I imagined. I am in my mid-twenties. I want to be able to afford a wedding, children, a house, a car . . .

So, I registered for LinkedIn a couple days ago. Seeing a lot of my classmates having "Associate Attorney" after their names really hurts. I mean I am so happy for them, but at the same time, insanely jealous. I did not do horribly in law school. In fact, I believe I did pretty well. I was on leadership boards, journals, moot court, the dean's list, etc. I almost feel like I am being punished because I do not have the network of lawyers that many of my classmates do through family members and family friends. I am not lucky enough to have my parents be hiring partners at major firms or have parents that are circuit court judges. I am not very lucky at all actually. My parents struggle to pay their mortgage, struggle to pay their bills . . . and yet, they still give me $200 a month because I cannot support myself. I also do not have the spouse / significant other who makes enough money to support the entire household. My boyfriend works so hard, working full-time and being a full-time student. Thanks to his student loans we have enough money until the lease ends in January, but that is all. After January, we are going to be forced to move back home.

Next week, I have three interviews: 1) a staffing agency for part-time document review work; 2) a non-law job; and 3) a part-time attorney position. I honestly do not know what to do or think anymore. People keep telling me to not give up and to keep looking, but I do not know how much longer I can. I continue to apply to law firms / corporations for positions ranging from secretary to associate attorney. I have also applied to sales associate positions, personal assistant positions, hostess / server positions, tutor positions, academic faculty positions, and even, dog walker positions. So far, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Right now, I have a 5 month gap in my resume, and it just continues to grow larger. I have applied to volunteer positions, but they keep falling through. For example, I am supposed to be in training today for a volunteer attorney position, but not enough people signed up, so it was cancelled. 

Ok, sorry. This post is sounding more and more like a rant / pity party. So, I will stop after this last thing. Yesterday, I made a wish. You know that silly middle school thing you used to do (or at least my friends and I did) where you would make a wish and blow a kiss on 11:11 AM or PM? Well, I did it yesterday because hell, it was 11/11/11 at 11:11AM.

Here is hoping that my wish comes true!

***UPDATE: Found out who got the position over me. A former classmate. This really sucks.